notthatkindoforion

I assumed so.

From:

If that works for you! I've got time for it.

From:

My homeworld's kind of... a lot, Thrawn. And it's hard to talk about one part of it without getting into everything else, too.

[She rubs the back of her neck.]

Most planets in the Federation are cashless. With replicator technology and open communication and trade between so many different worlds, there's no real need to hoard wealth. Nobody there ever has to worry about starving, or getting too sick to work, or not being able to take care of their kids. Nobody's needs go unprovided for.

Orion... could do that, probably without even joining the Federation if they didn't want to. There's nothing about us that forces us to stay capitalists. But the people in charge like the position of power and superiority their status and wealth provide, so they won't. I guess that's a big part of the shame. [Just not all of it.]

From:

You only feel shame because you know and value the alternatives.

Perhaps your family finds you a source of shame as well.

From:

That's not the only-

[Tendi starts, before she falls silent at the second part of his comment. She knows he didn't do it deliberately - Thrawn doesn't have that much skill in social manipulation. But that doesn't make it feel less like a kick in the gut.

She looks away from the communicator.]

There's no real 'perhaps' about it. You, um, got what you needed?

From:

[Ah - he's stumbled on something else. Thrawn can sense it, see it in her face. He also knows that he does not wish to upset this ally further.

He nods, allowing the escape]

Indeed. Thank you.

From:

[She offers him a small smile, trying to show that she's not mad mad, just... not ready to get into something that complicated and emotionally charged when it's sprung on her like this.]

Good. I'll see you around, okay?

From:

It is too small a ship to avoid any one person. So, yes. You will.

[a slight bow of his head goodbye]

From:

[He does manage to get a little snort of laughter out of her with that line, and she gives him a wave as she disconnects. She just... needs a moment after that.]

From:

How close are you and Zakalwe? [They doubt he would have told anyone about his name, but he could have told her more than he had told them. She might be in a better position than they are to help him start forming connections.]

From:

Cheradenine? He was one of the first people I met when I came here. I get the feeling that he's still holding a lot back from me, but I do care about him. A lot. And I think he cares about me, too.

From:

He does care about you, and he is holding a lot back. [They have to wait for him to tell her his secrets.] He thinks you would leave, if you knew more about him.

From:

Well, that's pretty silly. A lot of the people I care about here have done some pretty awful things. I've done some pretty awful things. Whatever it was, the fact that it's eating him up like this says more about the kind of person he is than what he actually did. In my experience, people who are genuinely cruel and malicious don't spend a whole lot of time worrying about what other people think of them.

From:

[The kind of person he is, is complicated. He has things to work on and his list of crimes is almost as long as theirs, but he wants to be forgiven. He wants to graduate, even if he feels like he has no idea how to do it. What he did in the past seems to be more important to him than what he does now.]

What he did is eating at him, to the point that he ran from it for two hundred years. I have no idea if he regrets it, but he wants forgiveness. [The last time he asked for it, he was rejected.]

Have either of you told each other about the things you did?

From:

I get that. Running can feel... easier, in the moment, even if it doesn't actually fix anything, and sometimes means you just hurt for longer.

[She kind of ran to the Barge rather than going home and facing her family and her past.]

But I don't think people usually care about forgiveness if they don't regret their actions, at least to some degree.

He knows about the whole pirate thing. Broad strokes, at least. I don't... know much about his past, except that it's violent.

From:

He wants to make up for it, but he has no idea how to do that. [They have no idea how to help him do it, but they plan to help if he comes up with something. His graduation is about his goals as much as the Admiral’s.] I think that his graduation may be less about making up for it than he thinks. He might not be able to fix what he did, but I think he can fix some of what led him to do it.

From:

Yeah... sometimes you just have to accept that you're not going to make up for it. At least... not in the sense that the people you hurt will ever forgive you. Whether because they aren't around to do so or because they just don't want to.

It's not our place to demand forgiveness from people we wronged, and it's not their obligation to offer it.

I think you're on the right track - I can't speak for everyone, of course, but I've found that the biggest thing was getting myself out of an environment and mindset where I kept perpetuating the same kind of harm. It was hard work, especially the more... subtle stuff. It's easier to stop killing people than it is to change the way you think and act around certain kinds of people, you know?

From:

It can be. I had to have all of my means taken away before I stopped killing. [They had no idea who they were without their murders, so stopping was difficult.] Once I did, though, changing the way I thought about people was easier. [Zakalwe needs to find an identity outside of killing, the same way they did, and he needs to learn to connect with people.]

From:

Oh... right. I guess I should be better at remembering that my experience isn't always universal.

And maybe Cheradenine isn't stuck in how he feels about other people. But... he might be stuck in how he feels about himself? If he's been running for two hundred years.

From:

I guess it depends on the person. [Neither their experiences nor Tendi’s are the best comparison for a human.] Some people are stuck in the killing itself, and others are stuck in how they think about the people they kill.

Being stuck in how he feels about himself would make sense. He has ideas about what else to be, but not how to change. He has no idea how to keep living after what happened. [They were stuck in how they thought about themself, too.]

From:

The Barge might be the first time in a long time he's stopped running enough to actually have to figure that out. That's got to be pretty daunting.

But at least he doesn't have to do it alone.

From:

[He has them and Tendi and Hanna to support him, the same way they had Rawne.] It might be the first time he had someone to support him, too. [Just like them.]

Would you have been an inmate if you came here at a different point in your life?

Edited Date: 2025-05-31 03:40 pm (UTC)

From:

Oh, absolutely. No question.

[It's something she's acutely aware of.]

I was lucky. Starfleet gave me the chance to turn my life around. I'm not better than any inmate here, or less capable of harm. Just... more fortunate.

From: