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notthatkindoforionWelcome to Tendi's inbox! If I don't answer immediately, it's probably because I've got my hands full with something toxic, corrosive, or chemically unstable! Or bleeding. Or all of the above! I'll get back to you as soon as I can, byyyye!
Audio, backdated to 3/31
Date: 2025-04-05 03:59 am (UTC)How close are you and Zakalwe? [They doubt he would have told anyone about his name, but he could have told her more than he had told them. She might be in a better position than they are to help him start forming connections.]
Re: Audio, backdated to 3/31
Date: 2025-04-05 07:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-04-14 04:42 am (UTC)He does care about you, and he is holding a lot back. [They have to wait for him to tell her his secrets.] He thinks you would leave, if you knew more about him.
no subject
Date: 2025-04-14 07:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-04-27 10:56 pm (UTC)[The kind of person he is, is complicated. He has things to work on and his list of crimes is almost as long as theirs, but he wants to be forgiven. He wants to graduate, even if he feels like he has no idea how to do it. What he did in the past seems to be more important to him than what he does now.]
What he did is eating at him, to the point that he ran from it for two hundred years. I have no idea if he regrets it, but he wants forgiveness. [The last time he asked for it, he was rejected.]
Have either of you told each other about the things you did?
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Date: 2025-04-29 02:24 pm (UTC)[She kind of ran to the Barge rather than going home and facing her family and her past.]
But I don't think people usually care about forgiveness if they don't regret their actions, at least to some degree.
He knows about the whole pirate thing. Broad strokes, at least. I don't... know much about his past, except that it's violent.
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Date: 2025-05-04 11:13 pm (UTC)He wants to make up for it, but he has no idea how to do that. [They have no idea how to help him do it, but they plan to help if he comes up with something. His graduation is about his goals as much as the Admiral’s.] I think that his graduation may be less about making up for it than he thinks. He might not be able to fix what he did, but I think he can fix some of what led him to do it.
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Date: 2025-05-06 11:11 am (UTC)It's not our place to demand forgiveness from people we wronged, and it's not their obligation to offer it.
I think you're on the right track - I can't speak for everyone, of course, but I've found that the biggest thing was getting myself out of an environment and mindset where I kept perpetuating the same kind of harm. It was hard work, especially the more... subtle stuff. It's easier to stop killing people than it is to change the way you think and act around certain kinds of people, you know?
no subject
Date: 2025-05-12 10:06 pm (UTC)It can be. I had to have all of my means taken away before I stopped killing. [They had no idea who they were without their murders, so stopping was difficult.] Once I did, though, changing the way I thought about people was easier. [Zakalwe needs to find an identity outside of killing, the same way they did, and he needs to learn to connect with people.]
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Date: 2025-05-13 02:11 pm (UTC)And maybe Cheradenine isn't stuck in how he feels about other people. But... he might be stuck in how he feels about himself? If he's been running for two hundred years.
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Date: 2025-05-17 08:53 pm (UTC)I guess it depends on the person. [Neither their experiences nor Tendi’s are the best comparison for a human.] Some people are stuck in the killing itself, and others are stuck in how they think about the people they kill.
Being stuck in how he feels about himself would make sense. He has ideas about what else to be, but not how to change. He has no idea how to keep living after what happened. [They were stuck in how they thought about themself, too.]
no subject
Date: 2025-05-18 08:03 pm (UTC)But at least he doesn't have to do it alone.
no subject
Date: 2025-05-31 03:39 pm (UTC)[He has them and Tendi and Hanna to support him, the same way they had Rawne.] It might be the first time he had someone to support him, too. [Just like them.]
Would you have been an inmate if you came here at a different point in your life?
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Date: 2025-06-02 12:47 pm (UTC)[It's something she's acutely aware of.]
I was lucky. Starfleet gave me the chance to turn my life around. I'm not better than any inmate here, or less capable of harm. Just... more fortunate.
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Date: 2025-06-03 05:00 pm (UTC)I like that way of looking at it. [Their own choices had brought them here as an inmate, but it would have been easier for them to make different choices if their circumstances had been different. They had driven their victims to self-blame because it worked, not because they really believed all of them were entirely at fault for their problems.]
no subject
Date: 2025-06-07 04:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-06-09 05:49 pm (UTC)You seem to be good at finding ways to relate to people, even if your experiences are different. [They have more trouble with it, but they can usually do it eventually.]
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Date: 2025-06-10 08:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-06-15 09:18 pm (UTC)That comes naturally to some people, but not everyone. [They tried to use their file to relate to Zakalwe, but they think they should have waited longer.] I like learning about people, though.
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Date: 2025-06-17 12:14 pm (UTC)[And she supposes some people are always going to have a much, much smaller group of people they care to put time and emotional energy into than she has.]